Z is for Zelotypia
by Jelsemium
Summary: Third in the Obsessed trilogy. David and Colby go in search of trouble and find more than they wanted. This is an expanded version of what I entered in the Numb3rs dot org 2006 Summer Alphabet Challenge.
1. Zealous

Z is for Zelotypia

Part Three of the Obsessed Series

It is strongly advised that you read "O is for Obsessed" and "Q is for Quidnuncs" or this story will make little sense. There's not much sense in here to begin with, so it needs all the help it can get.

_Zelotypia: noun: jealousy; excessive zeal in carrying out a project _

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, except for the villain of the piece, but you can have her if you want.

* * *

"We're gonna die," Special Agent Colby Granger said. 

"You're the one who wanted to spy on Megan," Special Agent David Sinclair replied.

"That was spying on Megan," Colby griped. "It was _your_ idea to spy on the boss."

"And you think that spying on Megan isn't dangerous?" David asked.

"Well, not this dangerous," Colby said. "Megan can only bruise us. Don can do much worse."

"Like?" David prodded.

"He could have Charlie give us a pop quiz," Colby said with a shudder.

David rolled his eyes. "Grow up, man," he said.

"Right now?" Colby said. "'Cause if you want me to start acting mature _right now_, the first thing on the list is going home."

David laughed. "Hey, I went along with your crazy scheme," he said.

He pulled into a parking space near Don's apartment building.

"This is where Don lives," Colby pointed out.

"Yep," David said. "I decided that our first move should be to find out where Don is."

"So, what do we do if Don's at home?" Colby asked.

"Um, ask him if he wants to go bowling," David said.

"Bowling?" Colby asked. "You _believed_ Charlie when he said that Don loved to bowl?"

David shook his head. "Considering the expression on Don's face, I'm assuming that Charlie was making some obscure Eppes in-joke. However, we might be able to convince _Don_ that we believed him."

"Really," Colby said sardonically. "I'm not holding my breath, here."

"Besides, if we actually do something with Don, we could make a case for us having spied on him all night."

Colby nodded. He didn't know who they'd be making the case _to_, but he decided there was no point in even trying to argue with David. Besides, bowling was fine with him. To be honest, anything other than dying was fine by him.

The bowling ploy turned out to be a moot point, because Don wasn't home.

"Now what?" David asked, running his hand over his shaven pate.

"Phone call," Colby said.

"Don't call Don," David protested.

"Who said anything about calling Don?" Colby asked. He punched in a speed dial. After a few moments, he said, "Hey, Charlie, do you know where Don is? No, no, there's nothing wrong."

"You have Charlie on speed dial?" David blurted.

Colby shrugged and held his hand out, palm up to indicate that it had seemed like a good idea at the time.

David grabbed the cell away from him. "Give me that before you give the man a heart attack," he said. He studied it for a moment, and then flicked on the speaker. "Charlie, no, nothing's going down. Colby and I just wanted to pull a prank on Don."

Colby's eyebrows went up.

"I take it he's not at work," Charlie said.

"Nah, he's not at his place, either," David said. "You have any idea where he might want to take his date?"

"Let me ask my Dad," Charlie said.

A few minutes later, Alan came online. "He likes Italian, if that helps any."

"Well, no," Colby said.

"Wait," Charlie said. "I've got an idea. He's been seeing that Assistant US Attorney."

"Nadine?" Alan asked.

"Dad, Nadine is _so_ last month," Charlie said.

"What? Nobody tells me anything," sulked Alan.

David and Colby headed back for David's car, still listening.

"We should be able to calculate the possibilities," Charlie said. "Don will have picked Robin up at work. They probably intend to spend the night at her place."

"Oh? It's that serious?" Alan asked.

"I think," Charlie said. "That's the weak point… well, no. It's immaterial if he spends the night with her or not," Charlie said.

"It is?"

"Well, for the purposes of this calculation," Charlie said. "Either they're going to her place, or he's taking her to her place or she's going to meet him somewhere between where she works and her place."

David and Colby could hear Charlie typing information into his laptop.

"In any case," Charlie said, "What we want is an Italian restaurant somewhere on a direct line between Robin's office and her house."

"What if she has a favorite Mexican restaurant that she likes to frequent?" Alan asked.

"Well, then we're screwed," Charlie said. "I have to work with the data that I can access."

"Oh," Alan said. "Why not just call Don?"

"Well, if this were official, we would," David said.

"Or even if it was rational," Colby muttered.

"Charlie! Are you're helping these men play a prank on your brother?" Alan asked.

"Yes, why?" Charlie replied.

"Because that's not… wait a minute!" Colby could hear a frown in Alan's voice. "How do you know where this Robin…?"

"Robin Brooks," Colby supplied.

"How do you know where she lives?" Alan asked.

"Don had it written down in his desk," Charlie said. "Ha, here are three likely restaurants on the route from Robin's work to her home."

"He left her address lying around on his desk?" Alan asked.

"Well, not exactly," Charlie admitted. "He had it written on a scrap of paper that he had stuck in a dictionary that was in his bottom desk drawer under a stack of case files."

"Charlie!" Alan said, shocked.

"I needed a dictionary!" Charlie protested. "You know I can't spell."

Alan sighed. "I'm washing my hands of this," he said. "I hear _nothing_! I see _nothing_! I know _nothing_! I just hope you two clowns have a camera with you."

"Okay," Charlie said. "These are the three possibilities. Olive Garden, Wombi's and La Giaconda."

"Which is more likely?" Colby wondered.

"There's usually a long wait to be seated at Olive Garden," David said. "Don wouldn't want to risk getting called out without getting a chance to eat."

"Hm," Charlie said. "La Giaconda is on the pricey side," he said. "You're best bet is Wombi's."

"Okay, Charlie," Colby said. "If this works out, we owe you."

"For what?" Charlie asked. "You haven't talked to me all week."

Colby grinned and shut his phone. "We now have blackmail material on Professor Eppes," he said happily.

David looked at him strangely. "Why do you have Charlie on speed dial?" he asked.

Colby looked somber. "Well, if you really want me to come out of the closet… Charlie and I…"

David threatened to hit him. "Don't go there!"

Colby laughed.

David unlocked his side of the car and climbed in.

"C'mon, David, let me in!" Colby said. "At least drive me back to my car!"

"No, you're coming with me or you're walking," David said.

"Okay," Colby said. He held up his hands in surrender. "I confess. I couldn't figure out how to program my phone's speed dial, so Charlie demonstrated and used his number as an example. He didn't think to erase it and I don't know how.

David laughed and unlocked the passenger side door. "C'mon," he said. "Time to grab the tiger by the tail."

_TBC_


	2. Zealots and Ziti

Chapter Two: Zealots and Ziti

* * *

Once again, Charlie's ability to pull results out of even the thinnest of data was proven when they spotted Don's car in the parking lot of Wombi's. 

"So now what?" Colby asked. "Tell me that you have a fiendish plan or I'm commandeering this car."

David grinned. "I finally thought of something. How about we tell the staff that today is Don's birthday?"

Colby grinned. "They'll make a fuss… cake, candles, singing…"

"Don hates surprise birthday parties," David said.

"And he'll never be sure who set it up," Colby added gleefully.

"At least, until he drags the information out of Charlie," David said.

"What makes you think Don will question Charlie?"

"The bratty brother is always the first suspect," David informed him.

They went around to the back entrance of the restaurant, where their plans for a prank quickly died.

They found a woman in a dark skirt and white blouse sitting on the back steps holding her bleeding forehead.

"Miss, what happened?" David asked, crouching next to her.

"Did you have an accident? Or were you attacked?" Colby asked.

The waitress looked at them with wide eyes. "She's got a gun!" she blurted.

That answered that question.

"Don't worry," David said, flashing his badge. "My partner and I are armed, too."

"FBI? Thank God," sighed the waitress. "What can I do? My friends are in there!"

"We need to get you out of the line of fire," Colby said. He walked her out of the parking lot and around the corner to what he judged was a safe place and helped her sit. "Stay here."

David, in the meanwhile, was calling for backup.

They couldn't be sure that Don was the target, but it seemed like a likely scenario.

They pulled out their guns and moved into the kitchen.

"You can't…" a white clad chef started to object. When he saw the guns, his voice died off and his eyes went wide.

David flashed his badge. "FBI," He whispered. "We have reason to believe that one of your patrons is about to be murdered. Get everybody out back."

"Here," Colby grabbed two white coats as the kitchen staff hastily turned off appliances and moved out back.

"There's an injured waitress around the fence on a bench," Colby said.

The head chef nodded as he ushered everybody out the back door.

Colby and David shrugged into their makeshift disguises and headed out to the dining area. There were a couple of waitresses on the floor, but none of the women they first saw seemed to be acting suspiciously.

The two scanned the room and quickly spotted their boss, who was sitting at a table flirting with the prosecutor and toying with his plate of ziti covered in marinara sauce.

None of the waitresses seemed to be paying much attention to Don, so they expanded their search outward, looking for the one person who was out of place.

Colby stiffened and nodded to their suspect. She was moving towards Don carrying a bottle of champagne that was loosely wrapped in a towel. However, from where they stood, they could see that the bottle was already open. If David had been in the mood for betting, he would have bet that the bottle was empty.

On top of that, she was wearing impractical shoes. No waitress would have worn such uncomfortable shoes for a night on her feet. Not to mention the shoes looked far too expensive for a person in the service industry.

David nodded to Colby and they oozed their way between tables, coming up behind the ersatz waitress.

Robin spotted them and frowned.

Seeing Robin's expression, Don started to twist in his seat.

The woman dropped the towel wrapped bottle with a thud and started to align her gun.

The awkward position Don was in prevented him from getting his gun out in time. However, he did not need it.

David and Colby grabbed the woman's arms from either side as if they had rehearsed the move for weeks. David deftly twisted the gun out of her hand before she could think to pull the trigger.

"Let go of me!" howled the woman. "This demon must pay for what he's trying to do to the Divine Eppes!"

"What the hell?" Don said, coming out of the booth. "Wait a minute; you're the one who tried to kill Amita!"

"I was wrong to try to harm the glorious chosen vessel!" the woman wailed. "I must atone for my sin by protecting the venerated one from your foul machinations, lackey of the oppressors!"

"I'm what?" Don asked, justifiably bewildered.

"You are intent distracting the holy genius from his Glorious Mission!"

The other diners were going from alarmed to pre-panic.

Colby held up his right hand in a "halt" gesture and held up his badge his left. "It's all right, we're with the FBI. This woman is stalking an actor whose character is plotting against her favorite soap opera character.

"It's not a soap opera!" the woman wailed. "It's real! It's real!"

The crowd was relaxing as it became obvious that the federal agents had the situation well in hand.

"We'll just remove her now," David added. "Nothing to worry about, she doesn't even have a real gun on her." He checked to be sure that the safety of the very real Smith and Wesson was on.

The other patrons looked at Don with great interest as Colby and David hustled the woman out the back.

Don followed, pulling Robin along with him.

Robin was wide-eyed and, for once, speechless.

"I don't believe this," Don muttered as the other patrons began buzzing behind him.

"He plays a doctor on that show," one patron said loudly. "You know, the one with the moose?"

"No, no, he plays a homicidal actor!" another patron disputed.

"Yeah," somebody muttered. "That's him! I saw him at the Daytime Emmys!"

"Wow," yet somebody else muttered.

When they got outside, Robin began to shiver. Don immediately removed his jacket and wrapped it around her. "You okay?" he asked.

"I guess so," Robin said, finally finding her voice. "That was the most surreal thing that's ever happened to me." She watched David hand over the waitress to the LAPD and Colby assure the restaurant's staff that it was safe to go back inside.

"Thank you," she said after David and Colby rejoined them.

"You're welcome," David said.

"We live but to serve," Colby added.

Don shot them an ironic look. "Nice work, you two," he said. "Mind telling me how you managed to show up at such an opportune moment?"

"Long story," Colby said.

"Let's just say that Charlie came up with a _very_ interesting algorithm," David said, blithely throwing the blame at the easy target.

"Really?" Don said ironically. He looked back at the restaurant. "One of you guys is going to have to get our stuff… and the bill," he said.

"What?" Colby yelped.

"Well, you can't expect a celebrity like me to do something as plebian as pay," Don said blandly. "Not when I have people to do it for me."


End file.
